Good morning, fam. Praying each of you have an amazing day, today. The following post is not something you would usually see from me, it may be long, and for the record, the HUMAN me DOES NOT WANT TO DO THIS, as it is VERY personal, and I am ULTRA private. However, as I was standing at my sink 30 minutes ago, GOD spoke (yes, I LITERALLY heard Him out loud-1st time) and said to post, ON FB, because someone’s life may depend on it. I MUST BE OBEDIENT. So I ask that you pray with and for me. PLEASE take the time to read it, even if you have to get back to it later, all the way to the end, as I have NO IDEA who needs or this post. Whew!
I was standing at my kitchen sink this morning, looking for my peanut butter to make a sandwich and realized I had no bread. No big deal right. Here’s the thing…..I then looked into the refrigerator and the cupboard and something was off. I then, in shock realized I haven’t grocery shopped in OVER A MONTH AND I DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE IT. How does that happen? Now, I know I don’t cook, but I am religious about shopping monthly. It hit me like a ton of bricks the place that I have been in the house since 11/22/2014. CLINICAL DEPRESSION!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I am saying it. Now, I pride myself on being very, titanium-like strong. Shucks, I am a child of the MOST HIGH GOD AND the daughter Rosemary and Christopher. You might shake me, but ‘cha can’t break me, right? WRONG!
When my Fred left here suddenly on 11/22/2014, on the heels of my Mommiekins going home 10/27/2013, KABOOM 💣🤯 I SHUT DOWN AND WENT TO BED!
Me! “Supergirl, no sleep, call me-I got you, Crystal”, SHUT DOWN.
Here’s how I did it, and no one was the wiser. As long as I stayed in the bed, I was good. I continued to take care of all of my business, run my companies, service my clients. and I talked to friends and family, I even stayed in Intercessory Prayer with folks, as usual (BTW, I think that’s one of the greatest things to do, pray for others), so by all accounts, all was well. I continued to go to family functions, shop, doc appts. etc. , but when I stepped off the bed on the floor, I became immediately unstable, unsure, physically sick and dizzy. In other words NON-REALITY -BASED living, at it’s best. Everything outside of that bed was DEATH, PAIN, ANGER, OUTRAGE, FEAR, CONFUSION, ILLNESS, FAILURE….
IT’S NOT REAL, I can stay in bed and this is all a dream, so when I got up, it got real. So I did go out, and looked good too….lol……but inside, I was SCREAMING, RUSHING, RUNNING to get back to “safety” – TO THE BED.
Now, I got within two classes shy of a M.S. degree in Human Service Administration/Clinical Psychology, before I fell too ill to finish. I knew what I was looking at. I was very good at my job and still am (praise be 2 God), and have been a Life Coach for several years. I KNEW I WAS IN REAL TROUBLE and not only could I not fix it, I didn’t want to. And my apartment?????????????? I CRAVE organization and clean fresh space.
My space looks like a robbery occurred in here. CLUTTER on MORE CLUTTER.
Enter, my friend. I was returning home from a doctors’ appt and she called and said she was around the corner and wanted to drop in. I wanted to get to the bed, but for some reason, I said SURE and she came. We sat and chatted for a while and my living room is quite out of order for me, but not ridiculous, no garbage on the floor, etc., but for me, too much clutter. For some reason, I got up, and I said to her, I want to show you something. I walked her back to my bedroom and she stopped DEAD IN HER TRACKS. I said, “welcome to Clinical Depression, my name is Crystal, and I’ll be your host for this evening. I saw the tears well up in her eyes and she said “OH, MY GOD!!!!!!!!!” There was barely anywhere to walk (help me, Jesus!). Me! Ms. “It’s so organized, I can find it in the dark”. My bed was a mass of covers and clothes and my computers and my phone, my note pads and pens………
She got angry and said “NO. THIS STOPS NOW. Crystal, on 11/22/2014, Fred died, you didn’t and I’m not going to watch you commit slow suicide, now where do we begin?”
She walked toward my bed and said let’s change the linen and, for a split second, I got nervous because she was touching my safe place. I walked over to the closet, dug out a bin of the last of Fred’s laundry, took out his shirt, and buried my face in it, and took a deep breath.
She said, “No, we’re not doing that. You can mourn him, love him and miss him, but you can’t die with him.”
Because she chose to be obedient, God used her to save my life. There’s a lesson about walking in HIS will and being obedient, even when you may not want to….you know, like this very personal post I’m doing. Thank GOD, because I ACTUALLY heard her and I knew she was right. I was taking the passive way out of this life.
Fast forward to three weeks ago. I am doing better, feeling amazing, but I got sick with Bronchitis and went into the hospital for a few days and I’m still battling it, but now, I get up out of the bed willingly, freely, etc. My aprtment looks better but not great (it’s a Fibromyalgia process). When I came out of the hospital, different people, ones who were not connected in any way, all began to tell me the very same thing about myself……eerie.
All of a sudden, everything I have busted my hump for over the last 15 years, prayed, cried, begged, studied, sacrificed, stood alone, been called a dreamer, disregarded, devalued for, ….. ALL STARTED TO POUR FORTH, and it hasn’t stopped since. I am in my purpose, I have no more questions or doubts, I am completely empty so God can totally use me to bless others, who want to bless others, and I FEEL AMAZING! Bronchitis and all.
Wrap up: I have amazing friends and everyone is NOT invited to that club, said this Scorpio woman. THEY are my extra layers of skin, going way back. Lots of great and awesome acquaintances and colleagues and strong connections, no doubt, but FRIENDS, the list is small Cherish your relationships, they can save you. When God tells you to do something, it ain’t always about you, just do it. Mommiekins, Fred, I miss you and ache dearly, but I’m finally understanding my purpose and I KNOW you’ll be proud of me. Thanks be to God for the time I had with you, what I learned, and I’ll see you when I have completed my work down here. Save me a seat in Glory. I’ll join you, many and healthy years from now, I pray LOL.
I’m spent. I pray that His will be done with this post. You will probably NEVER get this close to my vest again (nothing personal) but if ANYONE is blessed or saved, I’m good. Now, gotta take my coughing, exposed feelin’ self out, right now…..out of the bed, because the water’s just fine. In fact, it’s clearer and better than ever outside the bed. Hmmmmm….. this may become a short-story ( I can’t turn it off, can I? LMBO) Love you all, no strings attached.
I am currently in the best place, Spiritually, RIGHT NOW, TODAY, than I have ever been in my entire life. My journey with God has gone from my head (knowing Him intellectually), to my heart (feeling Him), and NOW, FINALLY, it’s in my SPIRIT and I am COMPLETELY SOLD OUT!
This case could be potentially DEVASTATING, with respect to music copyright protection.
This case asserts that Jimmy Page, of Led Zepplin, lifted the guitar riffs from “Stairway to Heaven” from an earlier song, “Taurus”, by Randy “California” Wolfe, of the band Spirit. The bands toured together.
Where do we draw the line between influenced by another’s sound, and outright copying?
Please protect your work, stand your ground and don’t give up. Become publishers, own your masters (Prince went through creative HELL to help us with this), and be listeners of ALL music, across all platforms. You never know where you may find YOUR music, sans YOUR permission.
Skidmore v Led Zeppelin et al, 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, No. 16-56057.
I don’t usually get super personal, but…. I’m in love.
It’s such a heady and beautiful feeling. I’ve been swept off of my feet. A gift from God, no doubt. Gosh, I’m blushing.
We’ve known each other all our lives. Save for GOD, he’s actually, my first love. A part of my DNA, I suppose. Yet, I let him go. Not all at once, just a drifting of sorts, you know… until there’s nothing.
Life happens, you grow apart, you have different experiences, but you NEVER forget. You just can’t seem to forget.
Those moments that creep up, when you least expect. You think of him, and hairs on the back of your neck stand out, because you’re taken by splendid surprise. Your knees are weak, and you close your eyes, just for a moment. Your senses transport you back to… back there, back then; at that time, in that space. You literally feel, hear, see, and smell EVERYTHING, just like it was.
Then, you put it out of your mind.
Maybe, when it rains, and you remember – droplets landing on your skin, creating perfect rhythms, to which you danced joyously- carelessly. You composed songs no one heard, but the two of you.
Then you put it out of your mind. You have to, right?
Funny thing. When God has a plan for you, it WILL come to fruition.
A visit, or two. Randomly ( no such thing) having to come in contact with one another, for this reason, or that. Chit chat that turns to talk, and then to conversation. Quiet glances turn to meaningful stares. Feeling the past and present collide, and knowing a future was inevitable. Being grateful.
I am most fortunate to have been afforded the opportunity to be joined with my love, once again. I’m never letting go. Where we’ll go together? Well, I’ll leave that to God. For all we’ve done in the past, this is new, and scary, and glorious.
We’re in this for the duration, and I’m happy, again.
Music, I love you.
I posted this on FB one year ago, today. I pray it helps someone. Share, comment, vent, if you want. ❤
When you’re awake because the pain in your back, hips, legs and elbow are screaming, in tandem (after your pain meds), and you can’t find a comfortable position sitting, lying or standing. Oh, goody. Losing the feeling in my foot. That’ll stop the pain (there’s always a positive🙏).
It’s times like these, when I begin to think of the persons who’ve said, “Oh, there’s a lady on my job that has ‘that thing’ you’ve got’. What is it, Fibrosis, Famalgia? Well, she seems to make the best of it, though. Hey, we’ve all got aches and pains, but we also have bills to pay, so…”
Then they go on to say, “Why do you put your business out there on Facebook, doing videos? Who needs to see you lying in bed? That’s ridiculous! What is the purpose of it?”(Yes, right to my face, over the phone, etc. )
People like you are the reason for the videos. People like you are the reason an UBER PRIVATE person like me, is willing to share. WHY?
A. As I’m writhing in pain, and posting on FB to distract myself, as my lip is already bloody from biting it, WE MUST HAVE HOPE. We MUST believe that this IS NOT not our ever after.Give thanks for every single moment, every single success!
B. Awareness: Raw, this is what it looks like, good, bad and ugly. This is NOT a Lyrica commercial.
The depression/ suicide rate is incredibly high for people with chronic pain, and invisible illnesses, and it’s rarely reported.
We lose jobs, homes, cars, pensions (spent while waiting to be approved for disability); we have to fight for insurance, we have to tirelessly search for medical professionals that don’t think our issues are strictly mental health, e.g. malingering, munchausen syndrome, BPD, MDD, Bipolar, etc., or if we weren’t so “morbidly obese”, we wouldn’t have pain. More often than not, the results are financial, mental, Spiritual, and emotional bankruptcy. Eventually, we become isolated, leading to severe depression. The loss of friend and family support, when you need it most, is terrifying and hurtful, all at once. Many believe, and will say, we’re “exaggerating”, or “you’re still in bed?”, “if you would just try working out, just a little walking”,” you can’t come out for a little while? I’ll come and get you. ” (still gotta get up, shower, dress, come out, etc.) “can’t you at least work part-time?” “Ok, I know you’re not well, but this clutter is ridiculous! ” ” My cousin has it, and she does lots of things…” I’m sincerely happy for your cousin, or that lady on your job, and everyone who manages their disease and/or illness. We’re all different, and experience things based on who we are, and how we are made. MOST times, nowadays, THANK GOD, I manage ok. Flare ups come with the territory of the unpredictable demon, Fibromyalgia. It’s always something you’ve never experienced, and you have to adjust, on the fly, as best you can. Add to it Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Insomnia, Arthritis, and Scoliosis, multiple kidney stones, bruising, Pre-diabetes, and NOW it’s a party. Oh, my migraines have made a comeback, too.
We often have the power of life and death in our words. Speak wisely, or be silent.
C. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Every single time I post or do a video, I cringe. I don’t like anyone knowing any of the aforementioned. I suck it up and do it, because, among other things we sufferers have in common, is the thought that these things “only happen to me”. Unexplained rashes and bruises; severe GI issues; losing teeth; losing hair; poor equilibrium; complete exhaustion after showering, then getting dressed and being to tired to go out, afterward; all over nerve pain, where you can’t have anything, or anyone touch you (Allodynia); new allergies; edema in bizarre places; weakened immune systems, readjusting your ENTIRE WAY OF LIFE……ALONE. But we LOOK fine, right?
I AM ME. My body chemistry is different from anyone else’s. I can tolerate ENORMOUS amounts of pain. Always been that way. That’s why Fibro freaks me out. It’s like your norm is breaking the sound barrier, but this is warp speed × 10. So, if we say can’t do something, go somewhere, or yes, I’m still in bed, that’s it! Don’t need your pity. Rarely ask for help, as we’ve learned the hard way, people want to “Help “in their own way, as opposed to asking what we need. Some ask, praying you’ll say you don’t need anything. Sometimes, we just need to be believed. Maybe hook up, when we are feeling ok, but being aware it can change in no time; not being angry/disappointed if it does. Call, visit and don’t discuss illness, unless I mention it.
I guess I’m done. Like the rotisserie I am, I have to turn, now. I hope u read this, and for some understanding. Wanna share our comment, by all means? Questions? Ask.
I’m weary of reading, and hearing sufferers say, “I CAN’T do this anymore”, or “my spouse left and took the kids because I’m too lazy”. “The doctor doesn’t believe me.” “I can no longer get the pain meds I need because of the ‘opioid crisis’. ” “I can’t afford my copays for specialists, tests, meds, medical equipment. ” “I’ve lost everything and I’m homeless. ”
Prayers for ALL sufferers of auto-immune/ invisible illnesses. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!
Good evening, sports fans, and welcome to the Tuesday Night Body Competition. I’m your Host, Cryss. Joining me is my every faithful personality, fifteen year veteran, and Fibromyalgia expert, Chrissie.
Cryss: Good evening, Chrissie. What an exciting evening.
Cryss: Chrissie, you said a Dionne Warwick set of teeth mouthful ( what?). Just about everyone who’s ANYONE is here and they’ve come to play.
Chrissie: Oh, yeah. This has been brewing since Crystal made an unscheduled grocery store run, and didn’t use a scooter (Gasp!).
Cryss: Ruh-roh. In a post grocery interview, I asked if it was a wise decision. Crystal said, emphatically, that she WOULD NOT cower to Fibromyalgia.
Chrissie: Gutsy move, but let’s get to the action.
Tonite, The C.J. Body Parts are taking on the Aspercreme Heating Pads, to see who can hurt, swell, or become detached from its usual place, with the most ferocity vs. I can take it, I’m God’s child, with a prescription.
Cryss: Do you think the backup meds will be a factor, tonite? They’ve been successful before, but have been riding the bench, intermittently, due to non compliance issues. Remains to be seen.
Chrissie: I know the hip is gonna go hard, but the ribs are the wild card, so don’t count them out.
Cryss: Those knees? Now, they’re veterans; they can stay in the patella pocket and cause swelling, or run and slide.
Gotta have double coverage (heat and ice) on the neck, clavicle, and shoulder. They are very talented. The neck can get off the edge, to the shoulder, with quickness like I’ve never seen. Clavicle is just soft. You look at him and he swells AND turns red. He doesn’t play the position with verve.
Chrissie: Indeed, but, the Kankles are pretty reliable. They definitely give different looks: bilateral pitted edema, golf ball look on the side, which really wreaks havoc on the interior cute shoe, and, of course, they shrink, when going to the doctor.
Cryss: We MUST factor in the king-sized heating pad, and the Aspercreme. They’ve added lidocaine to their defense, a veteran loner, out of WALMART State Pharmacy aisle.
Chrissie: The back up, Ultram (Tramadol) has been successful at getting to the nerves, and sacking them. But there’s still the issue of sleep.
This is going to be one heck of a nite! No commercials. Good luck and stay tuned.
Now, the national anthem:
Oh, dang, did you see
How my left knee collapsed,
And I fell to the ground,
Grabbing any thing in sight.
Saw some folks standing there.
They were laughing at me.
Not a one offered help!
Lucky I can’t reach that weave.
And they let me let lay there
With my hands in the air
Which proves I was right
That you folks ain’t worth…
I guess I’d better get up
Be-fo-ore I.I ge-et ro-obbed (high note-hold, do runs)
For li- it-tle I’ve GOT (really high note, then breath)
And I split someone’s
P.S. Can’t take a knee, as I have no meniscus, but love u Kaep.
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