Pain and Gratitude

My hands are swollen from trying to massage the shoulder, clavicle, rib, elbow, hip, and low back pain away. BTW: I took my pain meds 2 hours ago, and have 10 hours, until I can take more. I will get worse, as the night progresses, because I’m in a Fibromyalgia flare up.

So, what’s the testimony? I praise God, in the midst of this agony, because He’s gotten me through before, and He’ll do it again! There’s NOTHING my Savior will do for me, that He won’t do for you. I lie in wait for my relief, and I KNOW it’s coming. Until then, Blanche, Rose and Sophia, Dorothy, and I will crack up, I’ll continue my intercessory prayers, as they take the focus off of me, and know that, Lord’s willing, I’ll know joy, in the morning.

“It won’t be as long as it has been.”
-Prettyface-Mommiekins

#BeEncouraged #Joy #Peace
#BeatingFibroOnePrayerAtATime
#YoureNotAlone
#GodLovesYou
#GodIsTheUltimatePromiseKeeper #NeverLoseHope

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CANCEL MY ON DEMAND

I just saw a rather life-changing sermon. A reminder, from God. Pastor Robert Morris is doing a series on Frequency: Tuning In and Hearing God.
It’s not a new concept, but I’d really gotten off track. I’d allowed the manifestation of many blessings to make me forget to devote time to the source. I’ve been feeling so out of it, of late. Can’t find my center- my peace.

In order to hear from God, AND listen, something on my end has to happen.

This sermon had four points:

1. Set an appointment.

Exodus 19:10
Exodus 19:20

God comes to a prepared place. Set a time and have a prepared place to meet God. My recliner. It’s where I was, the VERY first time I literally heard Him speak to me. Ok, I was in the kitchen, the first time, and ran, collapsing in the recliner in fear, because I knew I was in the house alone. But since then… What’s yours?
Pastor Morris asked what it would be like if he came to church unprepared. He then said some Churches/Pastors do, but they call it “letting the Holy Spirit take over.” (Ouch)

Any of you who know me well, know I have a desk calendar on my office wall (ex-large), a large daily appt book, a small calendar (on another wall), and my Google calendar. That does not include the calendars I manage for others. I have birthdays, events, holidays, anniversaries, bills, milestones, etc. I also have the Olympic events scheduled, during which time no one is to talk to me.

We make time for what we value. (YUPPER!!!!!)

Where is my time for God? Do I guard and protect that time, no matter what/who? I used to. But by bit, I answered a text, an email, a phone call, I’ll get to it later… Thanks be to God He doesn’t treat me that way! And I’ve been wondering why I’m so…off and feeling disconnected, lately. DUH. Geez.

2. Be Still and worship.

Psalm 46:10
Exodus 14:13
2 Chronicles 20:17

Boy, has God been trying to get through to me on THIS ONE!
He’s sent it through Women of Valour Ministries Andrea E. Monroe, in the form of a devotional book, I keep hearing it and seeing it everywhere. Did I stop? My body did, my mind was on the Indy 500 track. I’m so thankful to God that He loves me enough to continue to try and get my attention!!!!

3. Pray and read the Bible.
Mark 1:35
Psalm 119:147

“Where do I start, Pastor?”he said he was asked. His answer? “Inside. Read anything, Read a chapter a day, just read”.

4. Listen and Write.
Psalm 45:1
1 Chronicles 28:19
Habakkuk 2:2

Whew! I finally got something right. I started writing my prayers to God years ago. More often, after reading the posted prayers of the anointed Sherae Bell. (Can’t wait for her book of prayers…AHEM).
Writing is the manner in which I communicate best. Pastor Morris said you’ll begin writing in third person, e.g., He will bless me, to first person, e.g. I am blessed.

Hope you were able to get something from my crude notes.
Those who didn’t read this far, or just skimmed will find out another way.
Why was this life-altering?
WAIT FOR IT:
I am no longer available ON DEMAND! What does that mean?! My priorities are permanently shifted to all things eternal. God and kingdom work first. Oh, and I STILL have dreams- gifts and talents to be developed, and shared, hopefully to bless others.

Can you still reach out, if in need? ABSOLUTELY! Y’all know. Can u reach me at all hours, just because? No. Not blaming anyone. People only do what you allow. I have to adjust my behavior, too. I’m up late and often wake/disturb folks because I’m on a different schedule. We’ll respect one another.
Anyone who decides not to call/text/write(USPS)/email, or reach out after this, has misunderstood my desire to have time with God, the need to answer His call on my life, and to put my God – given gifts to use. Maybe some need an excuse for not being in touch, or have realized I’m not what I used to be, and my conversations are/will be different.
As long as God gives me breath, I will be a conduit for His people, my gifts re-dedicated daily.
I love u all, no strings attached.
#PreciousTimeWithGod
#TuningInToGod
#ValuingGod
#EvolutionInChrist
#HisPurposeOnMyLife
#DontChaseTheDreamLiveIt
#GiftsAreMeantToBeUsed4GodsGloryNotHidden
#HearListenObeyWashRinseRepeat

Humanity Lost?

I am, and have always, had a humanistic view of the world. All humans are basically good. Circumstances, environments, learned abhorrent behaviors, cause us to shift away from our innate goodness. Fixable.

Over the last ten years, my rose-colored glasses have been stepped upon, but they’ve never been destroyed. I repair them. I keep looking for the good, even when I notice the horror.

Over the last five years, I’ve found my glasses have escaped my awareness, at times. I find them, dust them, put them on. I purposely seek the good.
Over the last three years, I’ve had to use duct tape on my rose-colored, war-weary glasses. I put them on and pray to find a snippet of goodness.

Sidebar: I began to wonder where social media, and the inundation of information factored into this negativity. Were we always this EVIL, DECEITFUL, DUPLICITOUS, FOUL, DISMISSIVE, DIVISIVE, DISHONORABLE, HORRIBLE, EVIL, HEINOUS, UNCARING, ARROGANT, BOASTFUL, EVIL, UNGODLY, WARMONGER-ISH (Yes, I made up a word. If Betsy DeVoss is education secretary, I can create words), DISENFRANCHISED, FAKE, PHONY, ANGRY?

Over the last year, I’ve found that my patience became shorter, my mood more foul than pleasant, and I kept repeating the phrase, ” Awww, come ON!” My rose-colored glasses, removed from the case where they were kept, sat gingerly atop my nose, red from crying, as my search for goodness elicits more sad tears, than happy results.

Over the last few months, I’ve lost more and more faith in the human race. Not by the day, but by the minute. Not just on a macro level, but micro, too. Shock and anger have been replaced with heavy sighs. Numbness has set in. The absolute worst is the expectation of the day.

Hey! Where the heck did these glasses come from? Huh. Must have worn them once. Back in the junk drawer with ya.

Reflection Time

God has been so good. He’s shown Himself to me in ways I could not have expected. Mostly because I truly surrendered to Him. He’s held me, when trembled; He’s stretched me (and still is) when I thought I wasn’t good, or smart enough; He’s humbled me, when I thought I was in control; He’s given me joy, and peace, in the midst of my grief; He’s blessed me beyond anything I deserve. He steadies me, when I falter; He’s teaching me obedience, and self-worth, without arrogance; He’s met me in His Word. He’s made me understand what our Elders meant, when they would say, “try Him for yourself”. I have. It’s glorious. It’s tough. It’s wondrous. I’m less impatient, as I realize His timing is perfect. God IS the ultimate promise keeper. I am grateful. All that I do MUST BE ORDAINED BY GOD!

I’ve been reminded, yet again this year, that everything is temporal. If there’s ANYONE I’ve hurt, disrespected, angered, ticked off, let’s get it resolved. Inbox, email, call, semaphore… I know how to hear, listen and apologize.

I look forward to what God has in store, as I desire to move, and live in His will.
That said, I pray each of you, and your families are blessed with good health (across all life domains), and with prosperity, in the new year.
#2018 #GRATEFUL #GODLEDSPIRITDRIVEN

Parallels

I’ve had a three parallel day. I’ve been blessed, all day, beginning with life, health, family, friends.

Parallel 1. I’ve felt quite human, as I had to see a Doctor, who told me the “cure ” for Fibromyalgia is not medication, but sleep and exercise (almost, but I wasn’t sure anyone would pay my bail). Oh, yeah. Went to the DMV, stood in line, only to be told they need proof of a ticket I paid(had a receipt)… nevermind….
Parallel 2. I was reminded of my soul, as I left the DMV and saw a place called “All About Music”(Joppa Rd., near the Kmart and DMV). I actually went in to look at sheet music, and stepped into an impromptu guitar performance. I was inquiring about having the fret board of my guitar fixed. Another customer was picking up his three guitars, and hit a chord that, in turn, hit me. I asked questions, he responded. I told him I was trying to learn ELP’s “Still, You Turn Me On”. He looked into my eyes, and said, “talk to Charlie”. We talked another couple of minutes. Just then, a man who looked as if he were an aged 1970’s surfer dude, with skin that had been tanned almost to leather, and hair bleached by the sun, came into the midst. The customer said, “Charlie, this nice lady is looking to learn ELP.” I told him I was a neophyte, at best, but my Yamaha workstation could not reproduce the acoustic sound, for my ear. He shook my hand, and said, ” NEVER say Yamaha to me” (PTSD moment? ) As I crept for the door, Charlie picked up a random acoustic guitar and played, and sang, “From The Beginning”, ELP. I turned slowly, and was frozen in stunned ecstasy. As quickly as he appeared, he was gone. The customer said, “wow, you have a great voice”. I didn’t realize I was singing.

Parallel 3 (best for last) MY SPIRIT:
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, of late; closing old books, writing new chapters – forgetting to be present. A very wise friend told me I needed to vacuum away the debris in my head, and to remember that time is relative. So, I went to The WORD. God met me there, reminded me that I’d given all over to Him, and things were going better than expected, to eat something, and that it would be okay if I did nothing, tonite. I watched the last two episodes of “So, You Think You Can Dance”. It was ethereal. It was the manifestation of what I was reading. 1Chronicles 25, about the importance of music and dance, in praise and worship. By the time I was done, God had given me the FOURTH song for my Album. Fantastic end to the day. GOD DOES NOT DO RANDOM!

Strength in Weakness

Image

My Exquisite Pain

Daylight chased me, again

Caught me Juggling universes in my head,

So I put it upon the pillow to rest

It was sweet, and awful, and blameless, and contrary.

Red hot fire, and sun.

Candy coated relief, sweetness suckled.

What an illusion!

The chase continued, undeterred.

Goose down and feathered warmth

Provided no security from the psychic soldiers.

Planetary casualties, abound, and lying around, beseeched me.

Why won’t you fight for me?
The hairs on my neck singed,

I’d been caught, again. Hope for rain.

Who could have known

My universes were so vast, so quick to replicate?

Juggle, juggle, spin the plates.

Red hot fire, and sun.

I beckon you today, with whispered invitations that shout.

“How exquisite you are, my pain”.

I shall carry YOU for awhile

In all my beautiful agony, in all your effete arrogance .

I dance inside the raindrops, searing and cheering.

Daylight in my crosshairs.

Vizionairee

©2017