Fibro Funnies: Episode 1

Good evening, sports fans, and welcome to the Tuesday Night Body Competition. I’m your Host, Cryss. Joining me is my every faithful personality, fifteen year veteran, and Fibromyalgia expert, Chrissie.

Cryss: Good evening, Chrissie. What an exciting evening.

Cryss: Chrissie, you said a Dionne Warwick set of teeth mouthful ( what?). Just about everyone who’s ANYONE is here and they’ve come to play.

Chrissie: Oh, yeah. This has been brewing since Crystal made an unscheduled grocery store run, and didn’t use a scooter (Gasp!).

Cryss: Ruh-roh. In a post grocery interview, I asked if it was a wise decision. Crystal said, emphatically, that she WOULD NOT cower to Fibromyalgia.

Chrissie: Gutsy move, but let’s get to the action.

Tonite, The C.J. Body Parts are taking on the Aspercreme Heating Pads, to see who can hurt, swell, or become detached from its usual place, with the most ferocity vs. I can take it, I’m God’s child, with a prescription.

Cryss: Do you think the backup meds will be a factor, tonite? They’ve been successful before, but have been riding the bench, intermittently, due to non compliance issues. Remains to be seen.

Chrissie: I know the hip is gonna go hard, but the ribs are the wild card, so don’t count them out.

Cryss: Those knees? Now, they’re veterans; they can stay in the patella pocket and cause swelling, or run and slide.
Gotta have double coverage (heat and ice) on the neck, clavicle, and shoulder. They are very talented. The neck can get off the edge, to the shoulder, with quickness like I’ve never seen. Clavicle is just soft. You look at him and he swells AND turns red. He doesn’t play the position with verve.

Chrissie: Indeed, but, the Kankles are pretty reliable. They definitely give different looks: bilateral pitted edema, golf ball look on the side, which really wreaks havoc on the interior cute shoe, and, of course, they shrink, when going to the doctor.

Cryss: We MUST factor in the king-sized heating pad, and the Aspercreme. They’ve added lidocaine to their defense, a veteran loner, out of WALMART State Pharmacy aisle.

Chrissie: The back up, Ultram (Tramadol) has been successful at getting to the nerves, and sacking them. But there’s still the issue of sleep.

This is going to be one heck of a nite! No commercials. Good luck and stay tuned.

Now, the national anthem:

Oh, dang, did you see
How my left knee collapsed,
And I fell to the ground,
Grabbing any thing in sight.

Saw some folks standing there.
They were laughing at me.
Not a one offered help!
Lucky I can’t reach that weave.

And they let me let lay there
With my hands in the air
Which proves I was right
That you folks ain’t worth…

I guess I’d better get up
Be-fo-ore I.I ge-et ro-obbed (high note-hold, do runs)
For li- it-tle I’ve GOT (really high note, then breath)
And I split someone’s
(dramatic pause)
WIGGGGGGGG!🎤🎼🎶

P.S. Can’t take a knee, as I have no meniscus, but love u Kaep.

Fibro Funnies ©2018

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HAPPY NEW YEAR

What are your goals for the new year? Have you started your vision board?

What are the things most important to you? Family, Faith, Politics, Career, Love, Financial Stability?

Drop a note. Let me know what you’re doing, and what changes you’d like to see (personal, professional, political, policy, etc.) in 2018!

One of my goals is to unleash my creativity. No more stifling my imagination. Stay-tuned.

Parallels

I’ve had a three parallel day. I’ve been blessed, all day, beginning with life, health, family, friends.

Parallel 1. I’ve felt quite human, as I had to see a Doctor, who told me the “cure ” for Fibromyalgia is not medication, but sleep and exercise (almost, but I wasn’t sure anyone would pay my bail). Oh, yeah. Went to the DMV, stood in line, only to be told they need proof of a ticket I paid(had a receipt)… nevermind….
Parallel 2. I was reminded of my soul, as I left the DMV and saw a place called “All About Music”(Joppa Rd., near the Kmart and DMV). I actually went in to look at sheet music, and stepped into an impromptu guitar performance. I was inquiring about having the fret board of my guitar fixed. Another customer was picking up his three guitars, and hit a chord that, in turn, hit me. I asked questions, he responded. I told him I was trying to learn ELP’s “Still, You Turn Me On”. He looked into my eyes, and said, “talk to Charlie”. We talked another couple of minutes. Just then, a man who looked as if he were an aged 1970’s surfer dude, with skin that had been tanned almost to leather, and hair bleached by the sun, came into the midst. The customer said, “Charlie, this nice lady is looking to learn ELP.” I told him I was a neophyte, at best, but my Yamaha workstation could not reproduce the acoustic sound, for my ear. He shook my hand, and said, ” NEVER say Yamaha to me” (PTSD moment? ) As I crept for the door, Charlie picked up a random acoustic guitar and played, and sang, “From The Beginning”, ELP. I turned slowly, and was frozen in stunned ecstasy. As quickly as he appeared, he was gone. The customer said, “wow, you have a great voice”. I didn’t realize I was singing.

Parallel 3 (best for last) MY SPIRIT:
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, of late; closing old books, writing new chapters – forgetting to be present. A very wise friend told me I needed to vacuum away the debris in my head, and to remember that time is relative. So, I went to The WORD. God met me there, reminded me that I’d given all over to Him, and things were going better than expected, to eat something, and that it would be okay if I did nothing, tonite. I watched the last two episodes of “So, You Think You Can Dance”. It was ethereal. It was the manifestation of what I was reading. 1Chronicles 25, about the importance of music and dance, in praise and worship. By the time I was done, God had given me the FOURTH song for my Album. Fantastic end to the day. GOD DOES NOT DO RANDOM!