Remembrances 

Writing feels so good.  Been ages since I’ve written a poem, a song,  anything AD CAUSA. I feel both renewed and infantile -regaining some things, exploring uncharted territory . Letting go of some things that I’ve gripped so tightly,  for so long,  my metaphorical fingers have been crushed, bones decimated.

Learning to grab hold to new things with new hands.  Allowing my third eye to truly see, as it should,  sans fear of what it sees.

Guillaume Apollonaire wrote,  “Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.”

   Indeed they did – so shall I.
I would be remiss if I retired this evening without thanking my Lord, my Savior,  my Redeemer, my Mighty Fortress; Jesus, The Christ. I am so very blessed. God grants me favor, and consistently DEMONSTRATES HIS unconditional love; even when I’m compellingly, overtly unworthy. He is the Great Orchestrator,  and I am humbled to be one of the many instruments He uses to create the music that is the human experience. 

We are each our own instruments, and our parts have been composed, created, and imagined, just for us. We play with different styles, as we’ve been taught/learned in different ways.  However, there can be no complete song,  no masterpiece,  no melodies,  no harmonies, no triumphant finale…… if we don’t realize were even playing the same song-the song of pure love,  one,  for another. 

Vizionairee 2016

Rain, With A Chance of Happy

The rain beckons me like a siren

One only I hear

Each drop a musical note

The showers a melody

Drench me in harmonies

Envelope me, blessed downpour

As I dance joyously, face toward the heavens

Soaking wet, simply happy
Vizionairee  2016

Strength in Weakness

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STAY. JUST STAY!

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Three Ways Chronic Illness is Isolating 

Very important information, for those who suffer chronic pain, illnesses. For those who do not, please read, and help us spread awareness. Thank you

https://www.myfibroteam.com/resources/three-ways-chronic-illness-is-isolating

Random Musings and Bronchitis

​Random Musings, while fighting annual Bronchitis.

Those of you who exercise, walk, run, swim, etc., understand when I say I’ve hit the wall. Perhaps it’s this fever, and the lack of O2 in my lungs, but I feel like my mental, and emotional gas tanks are empty.

Fortunately, I’ve been known to run on fumes. 

Swimming and Figure Skating, sometimes on the same day, holding down a weekday, and weekend job, and still going to school, acting, singing, etc. Work, grad school, two businesses, blah, blah, blah. FUMES!

I remember being on the BCC swim team, like it was yesterday. I SUCKED! (LOL-SORRY, GUYS) My AWESOME teammates NEVER let me feel that way. NOT ONCE. During a meet, they would yell, scream, and cheer me right into fourth place (if I was lucky), like I’d won the race. I was swimming on their energy. When I got out of the pool, I got hugs, high fives, etc. It made me wanna go harder, and faster. I wanted them to know IT MATTERED, that THEY MATTERED to me, too. Every once in a while, I’d look up in the bleachers, at practice, and see my Daddy (between jobs), had come to watch. He saw me come in third at the MSA’s, too. He picked me up and hugged me, afterward, saying, “that’s Daddy’s Baby!”. One of his MANY sacrifices.

My Mom was at every play, recital, PTA MEETING, etc. There used to be an outdoor ice rink in downtown Baltimore, at the BGE building, on Lexington and Liberty Streets. One night, my Mom and I were downtown, it had to be 32°, 25°, with the wind chill, but the rink was empty, and open for business. I BEGGED, “PLEASE, MOMMA, JUST FIVE MINUTES. I’ve never been on the ice alone”. So, my Mom, with her thin coat, no gloves, no hat, in the freezing wind of downtown, let me skate for over an hour. It was the most amazing feeling of natural freedom I’ve ever experienced. Just me, no coat, wind in my hair, sailing across the ice. I recall doing a perfect spiral (finally), and I heard her saying, “Oh, Baby, that’s beautiful. I didn’t know you could do THAT! So graceful”. I think I even managed my first toe loop, too. I practiced even harder, after that night. Inspired!

Momma was frozen, when we finally got home. ME? I was as happy as a butcher’s dog. She said she’d never seen me “let loose”, and just skate, and that it was beautiful to watch. Our happiness. She also said that was the cause of my annual Bronchitis, me skating with no coat.  It was worth it. My version of the Olympic Dream. One of MANY examples of her sacrifice.

Well, I got thinking that any time I was running on fumes, one, or both of my parents were there to cheer me on. Someone was ALWAYS there, saying “You can do it…. just a little further… Try it…”  Things have certainly changed. I’m older, have more trepidations, my parents, and my Fred are with the Lord…. No cheers, just fumes. 

So, how does one keep going? How do u just jump, sans net? Moreover, why is it so easy to figure things for others, and not yourself.

God is now, and had ALWAYS BEEN my greatest inspiration. He loves me more than anyone, wants me to be happy, and can refuel my tank like nothing else. He places amazing people in my life. So, what’s the problem? What’s the point, Cryss? 

Glean what u will. Told u it was random musings. Should u get anything, know that I’ve always got enough to cheer you on, even if it’s fumes. Thanks to those who’ve patted my back, even when I didn’t realize.

An Abusive Shadow

On fighting my shadow:

It wins. It always wins.

How is that possible? What does my shadow know of me, that it can strategize so well? How does it render me helpless with such ease?

The punches are brutal. Fast. Quick. Painful. Lingering. 

My shadow smiles knowingly; teasing, bullying, taunting….

Sometimes, I don’t even fight back.