Parallels

I’ve had a three parallel day. I’ve been blessed, all day, beginning with life, health, family, friends.

Parallel 1. I’ve felt quite human, as I had to see a Doctor, who told me the “cure ” for Fibromyalgia is not medication, but sleep and exercise (almost, but I wasn’t sure anyone would pay my bail). Oh, yeah. Went to the DMV, stood in line, only to be told they need proof of a ticket I paid(had a receipt)… nevermind….
Parallel 2. I was reminded of my soul, as I left the DMV and saw a place called “All About Music”(Joppa Rd., near the Kmart and DMV). I actually went in to look at sheet music, and stepped into an impromptu guitar performance. I was inquiring about having the fret board of my guitar fixed. Another customer was picking up his three guitars, and hit a chord that, in turn, hit me. I asked questions, he responded. I told him I was trying to learn ELP’s “Still, You Turn Me On”. He looked into my eyes, and said, “talk to Charlie”. We talked another couple of minutes. Just then, a man who looked as if he were an aged 1970’s surfer dude, with skin that had been tanned almost to leather, and hair bleached by the sun, came into the midst. The customer said, “Charlie, this nice lady is looking to learn ELP.” I told him I was a neophyte, at best, but my Yamaha workstation could not reproduce the acoustic sound, for my ear. He shook my hand, and said, ” NEVER say Yamaha to me” (PTSD moment? ) As I crept for the door, Charlie picked up a random acoustic guitar and played, and sang, “From The Beginning”, ELP. I turned slowly, and was frozen in stunned ecstasy. As quickly as he appeared, he was gone. The customer said, “wow, you have a great voice”. I didn’t realize I was singing.

Parallel 3 (best for last) MY SPIRIT:
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, of late; closing old books, writing new chapters – forgetting to be present. A very wise friend told me I needed to vacuum away the debris in my head, and to remember that time is relative. So, I went to The WORD. God met me there, reminded me that I’d given all over to Him, and things were going better than expected, to eat something, and that it would be okay if I did nothing, tonite. I watched the last two episodes of “So, You Think You Can Dance”. It was ethereal. It was the manifestation of what I was reading. 1Chronicles 25, about the importance of music and dance, in praise and worship. By the time I was done, God had given me the FOURTH song for my Album. Fantastic end to the day. GOD DOES NOT DO RANDOM!

The Dance and the Music

Most who know me well, are aware of my love affair with music. It’s always evolving, ever enchanting, and a great equalizer, amongst humans.

You grow, you live, you love, you lose, you grieve, you learn. As I’ve evolved, I’ve discovered a great shift in my top three priorities. A Paradigm shift, if you will. Abraham Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” has become more than a conceptual paperweight on the desk of my psyche.

God, my KING, is my NUMBER ONE priority, now, and forever.

I won’t lie to you, and say it was easy, because it wasn’t. Music has ALWAYS come to my rescue. When I’m sad, I can wallow in blues, or certain jazz numbers; Robert Johnson, The Allman Brothers, Buddy Guy, B.B. King, Miles Davis, Joe Sample. When I’ve had enough of my own whining, I go to Gospel, R&B, Rock, and even a bit of Heavy Metal; Richard Smallwood, Doug Miller, James Cleveland; Anita Baker, Jill Scott, India Arie, Roberta Flack, Barry White (yessss), Winger, Dio, Motley Crue, Journey, Foreigner, Heart. Feeling creative, a bit of Alternative Rock; Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Train, Creed. When I’m feeling like a hyperactive Jack Russell Terrier, I go to the “light and easy favorites, of yesterday and today”. CSN&Y, England Dan and John Ford Coley, James Taylor; Carole King; Fleetwood Mac. Ah, when I’m in my version of love, The Spinners, The SalSoul Generation, Dan Fogelberg, Sade, Adele, Staind, Phoebe Snow….ad infinitum.

Tonight, I was talking to God, whom I call “The Great Orchestrator”, about a few things. I believe He gave each of us an instrument, unlike any other (our gifts), and the perfect sheet music -THE WORD! When we are in sync with God, obedient, and have pure love for God AND one another, it’s the perfect “song”. Of course, we have written our OWN metaphorical music, over time, and can’t figure out why everything is in disharmony, but that’s another blog.

Anyway, I was telling God how incredibly complicated things have become for me, of late, and that I know it’s because I keep getting in His way, when He tries to lead and guide me. No, it’s not that I can do better, it’s plain ole fear. Fear, for me, leads to self -sabotage ( yeah, only me, right? ).

I have another love. It’s DANCE! I was a dancer and figure skater, up until my 20’s. I still secretly choreograph in my head, when I see certain movement, or colors, witness leaves blowing in the breeze, or hear a particular song. Dance is the physical manifestation of music, for me.

So, I’m sitting here talking to God about how I’m wrecking His perfect plan for me, and watching the Iran Contra Hearings on YouTube. (What?) Suddenly, another video appears, and it’s David Letterman and Oprah.I have ADHD, so you know I watched. Paul Schaefer and the Orchestra begin to play, “Dance With Me”, by Orleans. “Wow! I haven’t heard that song in a while. Love the harmonies”, Crystal says to Cryss. So, I/ she looked it up, and began to sing along.

“Dance with me. I want to be your partner, can’t you see? The music is just starting. Night is calling, and I am falling. Dance with me.”

How sweet. How simplistic and sweet.

“Let it lift you off the ground. Starry-eyed, and love is ALL around us. I can take you where you want to go…”

Then, it happened. The epiphany. GOD, you’ve done it AGAIN!

You said my daughter is in a “place”, and I need her free, so I can not only use her, but bless her. So, as He’s done many times before, He spoke to me through the MUSIC. He simplified the sheet music, so I could read, and play on my instrument.

“Dance with me, my child. I want to commune with you, can’t you see? Your real mission is just starting. Night is falling, when you usually pray, and I AM here, calling. Dance with me.

Let ME lift you off the ground, my daughter. You won’t sabotage these blessings, for they are for YOU, ONLY. Stick with me, no matter. I can take you where you want to go, moreover, where you should be.

He does. He did. He can. He will. That’s tonite’s dance, to the Music of The Great Orchestrator, and the reason for the change in hierarchy.

Vizionairee- 2017

My Exquisite Pain

Daylight chased me, again

Caught me Juggling universes in my head,

So I put it upon the pillow to rest

It was sweet, and awful, and blameless, and contrary.

Red hot fire, and sun.

Candy coated relief, sweetness suckled.

What an illusion!

The chase continued, undeterred.

Goose down and feathered warmth

Provided no security from the psychic soldiers.

Planetary casualties, abound, and lying around, beseeched me.

Why won’t you fight for me?
The hairs on my neck singed,

I’d been caught, again. Hope for rain.

Who could have known

My universes were so vast, so quick to replicate?

Juggle, juggle, spin the plates.

Red hot fire, and sun.

I beckon you today, with whispered invitations that shout.

“How exquisite you are, my pain”.

I shall carry YOU for awhile

In all my beautiful agony, in all your effete arrogance .

I dance inside the raindrops, searing and cheering.

Daylight in my crosshairs.

Vizionairee

©2017

STAY. JUST STAY!

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Random Musings For A Year’s End 2016😇

Whew, 2016! A year of wonder, discovery, pain (physical and emotional), ADULT EDUCATION (Third Eye WIDE OPEN),  brokenness, healing, release, and love. 

In about one hour, Lord’s Willing, I will make my way into the new year. I have learned so much. Some things I wanted to know, some I didn’t, but needed to know. Some relationships ended, some began, and are developing. 

I let go of SO much, and found a peace I’ve never known, and a joy I didn’t know existed. I learned that only GOD can give you that kind of peace, and only you can allow it to be disturbed. DON’T!

May 13, 2016 will ALWAYS be the day for which I am most grateful. It’s the day I got a real-time glimpse into the depths of God’s love for me. Oh, what a…. Humbling, Awesome Revelation.  Pure AWE. I learned that day, and know now, that if I were the most intelligent, smart, learned human being in the history of humans, I’d STILL not be able to comprehend the scope of God’s Love. That’s a wonder, to me. I thank Him for saving my life, that day. For reminding me that there is always HOPE.

HE’S placed such amazing people around me. Holding me up, when I didn’t know I was falling. He’s healed me in ways I CANNOT explain.

He’s unburdened me, so that I could remember what truly makes me happy. I’ve discovered new things, too.

        Writing. Music. Helping people reach their goals and see their dreams come to fruition. Connecting people that can bless each other, and it have a positive ripple effect. Laughing, really laughing. Friends. Family. Wow. Yeah. 

    God made me look into the mirror and admit things about myself. I had to become transparent before God and THAT WAS NOT EASY, OR CUTE. It was, however, necessary. I’ve learned that hypocrisy, whether intended, or not, is still hypocrisy.

      I’ve humbly, and sincerely issued a lot of apologies, this year. I have many to go. I’ve also CEASED apologizing for some things. A LOT of things. I am accountable y to God ONLY. No, that does not mean I get to act a fool, treat others poorly, or behave like I have no ” home training” (lol), etc. It does, however, mean I do not have to explain myself, constantly defend myself, and hope that everyone is comfortable with who I am. I desire that when you see me, you see God and KNOW what He can do. My character and integrity are incredibly important to me. My loyalty never wavers. Not mine to give, you EARN IT, and it’s yours to lose.

I’ve learned to take ALL things to God. I’ve learned the Awesome power of His Word, and how great it is to develop an intimate relationship with Him. I’ve been blessed by several Ministries. I’ve been blessed to have quiet time with my Father. To be still and let Him speak to me, teach me, and love on me. He doesn’t have to allow it, but He loves me, and wants time with me. Wow!

My analogy for this year’s lesson is not unlike a football game. We, the players, are out on the field, getting our butts kicked. We run to the sidelines, befuddled, asking one another, “what happened?” Well,  No one looked at the playbooks. No one studied. No one came to practice. No one worked out. No one watched game film. No one prepared for the game. No one worked WITH one another. No one made sacrifices. No one asked the one in charge. The Coach. 

God has given us EVERYTHING WE NEED, and Sooooo many of the desires of our hearts; yet we still look elsewhere, take things for granted……

Maybe I shouldn’t say “we”. Those are my observations. I’m tired of tightrope walking, without as net.

Now, enough about me. My beautiful, diverse, wonderful BCC/FBF family never ceases to amaze me. We’ve been through so much this year. It’s been pretty rough; for some it seems more than others. Even still, here we are. I’ve witnessed an outpouring of pure, selfless love; some of the funniest stuff ever (y’all gonna pay for my inhaler); proof that intercessory prayer and thoughts really make a difference; third-eye-opened education; a bond that seems to grow tighter. I am so very grateful for each of you. 

It is my prayer that in the year to come, that we continue to do what we do. Love, support, encourage, inspire, check one another (with love),  check ON one another, and keep each other smiling and laughing. May God bless each of you, and your families fully, across ALL life domains. Don’t chase your dreams, live in them. Love u all, no strings.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, Prettyface-Mommiekins, and Fred. I’m on it. No worries.

Random Musings About What I’ve Learned in 2016

​I’ve learned quite a bit, this year.  QUITE A BIT!

GOD LOVES ME MORE THAN MY FINITE MIND CAN COMPREHEND! 

I am valuable. Go figure.

Quiet has a most beautiful melody.

Life is short, so cherish and make time for those whom you care about. 

Pain has depths unknown, and unfathomable variations.

I’m getting my “weird” back. I love it. 

Never allow your peace to be disturbed…. AT ANY COST.

Don’t allow others’ behaviors, responses, expectations, etc.,  change your character. 

Transparency can save lives.

When you are most broken, God can really work on and in you. 

Humans are full of surprises.

Humans can be so predictable.

It’s okay to be happy. Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop, or it will.

When God prepares you for something, He has to purge you, mold you, bend you, stretch you, shape you…… Not always pretty, sometimes quite painful, always enlighteningly wondrous, and definitely necessary.

WHEW, 2016! Whew!

I AM CHANGED! I AM EVOLVING! I don’t have to explain, defend, or apologize for it.

I have NO IDEA what God has in store for me, in 2017, and that’s okay. He’ll show me.

Whatever it is, I’m ready, Lord. Empty me, that I might be a vessel.  Humble me, that You get the glory, and Your people are blessed. USE ME TO DO THY WILL.

It is my prayer that whatever it is that He has me do, will cause a ripple effect of blessings that we’ve not seen the likes of.

I’m praying the same for each of you. That you will receive an overflow of blessings, find peace and joy, and pay it forward. 

I love u all, no strings attached.