Fibro Funnies: Episode 1

Good evening, sports fans, and welcome to the Tuesday Night Body Competition. I’m your Host, Cryss. Joining me is my every faithful personality, fifteen year veteran, and Fibromyalgia expert, Chrissie.

Cryss: Good evening, Chrissie. What an exciting evening.

Cryss: Chrissie, you said a Dionne Warwick set of teeth mouthful ( what?). Just about everyone who’s ANYONE is here and they’ve come to play.

Chrissie: Oh, yeah. This has been brewing since Crystal made an unscheduled grocery store run, and didn’t use a scooter (Gasp!).

Cryss: Ruh-roh. In a post grocery interview, I asked if it was a wise decision. Crystal said, emphatically, that she WOULD NOT cower to Fibromyalgia.

Chrissie: Gutsy move, but let’s get to the action.

Tonite, The C.J. Body Parts are taking on the Aspercreme Heating Pads, to see who can hurt, swell, or become detached from its usual place, with the most ferocity vs. I can take it, I’m God’s child, with a prescription.

Cryss: Do you think the backup meds will be a factor, tonite? They’ve been successful before, but have been riding the bench, intermittently, due to non compliance issues. Remains to be seen.

Chrissie: I know the hip is gonna go hard, but the ribs are the wild card, so don’t count them out.

Cryss: Those knees? Now, they’re veterans; they can stay in the patella pocket and cause swelling, or run and slide.
Gotta have double coverage (heat and ice) on the neck, clavicle, and shoulder. They are very talented. The neck can get off the edge, to the shoulder, with quickness like I’ve never seen. Clavicle is just soft. You look at him and he swells AND turns red. He doesn’t play the position with verve.

Chrissie: Indeed, but, the Kankles are pretty reliable. They definitely give different looks: bilateral pitted edema, golf ball look on the side, which really wreaks havoc on the interior cute shoe, and, of course, they shrink, when going to the doctor.

Cryss: We MUST factor in the king-sized heating pad, and the Aspercreme. They’ve added lidocaine to their defense, a veteran loner, out of WALMART State Pharmacy aisle.

Chrissie: The back up, Ultram (Tramadol) has been successful at getting to the nerves, and sacking them. But there’s still the issue of sleep.

This is going to be one heck of a nite! No commercials. Good luck and stay tuned.

Now, the national anthem:

Oh, dang, did you see
How my left knee collapsed,
And I fell to the ground,
Grabbing any thing in sight.

Saw some folks standing there.
They were laughing at me.
Not a one offered help!
Lucky I can’t reach that weave.

And they let me let lay there
With my hands in the air
Which proves I was right
That you folks ain’t worth…

I guess I’d better get up
Be-fo-ore I.I ge-et ro-obbed (high note-hold, do runs)
For li- it-tle I’ve GOT (really high note, then breath)
And I split someone’s
(dramatic pause)
WIGGGGGGGG!🎤🎼🎶

P.S. Can’t take a knee, as I have no meniscus, but love u Kaep.

Fibro Funnies ©2018

STAY. JUST STAY!

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Random Musings 11/14/2016

​Just because it’s skipping across my mind, like rocks across a pond:

-My name is Cryss,  and I’m a Facebook “over-tagger”. (“Hi, Cryss”). I have not over-tagged in the last 45 seconds. @CollPressCJ,  @WeBeatFibro,  @CMGMT)

-My Facebook feed is SOOOO out of whack,  I just heard Donald Trump won😭. Happy belated birthday to all I missed. REAL-TALK if there is something you want me to see in real-time, inbox, or tag me. Otherwise,  I’ll be answering you next week, about something grim last week. 

#OUTOFSYNC

-I’m tired of correcting Auto Correct:

   I type “from”, I get “grim”(see above)

   I type “does”, I get “died”

   I type “parent”,  get “patent”

   I JUST typed “patents”, and got “pursuer”

Each time I type the word “word”, I get “weird”, then, I get weird. 

I type “Day”, it pops up “Jay-Z ” as an option…WTHAMFAT?

One embarrassing Buick(supposed to be quick) text, I was ranting about the”constitution “, it came out “prostitution “… didn’t know until I got the “huh?” response, and reread. Sent a Pastor a message about “fortitude”,  only it came out “fornication”. I still don’t think he believes it was a mistake…..

My mermaid (nemesis) the small work(word) (weird) “and”. Always gives me “abs”. Is this dime (some) kind of hint?

   Ok.  Dine(done) with that.

-Last night, I was intensely focused on what I was writing. So engrossed was I, that when the ice in my cup began to melt, and shifted,  I was almost out the front door, pen in hand. Lol.  I blame the movie 70’s horror movie “Phantasm “.

Thank you,  I’m here till Thursday. Tip your Servers.