Fibro Funnies: Episode 1

Good evening, sports fans, and welcome to the Tuesday Night Body Competition. I’m your Host, Cryss. Joining me is my every faithful personality, fifteen year veteran, and Fibromyalgia expert, Chrissie.

Cryss: Good evening, Chrissie. What an exciting evening.

Cryss: Chrissie, you said a Dionne Warwick set of teeth mouthful ( what?). Just about everyone who’s ANYONE is here and they’ve come to play.

Chrissie: Oh, yeah. This has been brewing since Crystal made an unscheduled grocery store run, and didn’t use a scooter (Gasp!).

Cryss: Ruh-roh. In a post grocery interview, I asked if it was a wise decision. Crystal said, emphatically, that she WOULD NOT cower to Fibromyalgia.

Chrissie: Gutsy move, but let’s get to the action.

Tonite, The C.J. Body Parts are taking on the Aspercreme Heating Pads, to see who can hurt, swell, or become detached from its usual place, with the most ferocity vs. I can take it, I’m God’s child, with a prescription.

Cryss: Do you think the backup meds will be a factor, tonite? They’ve been successful before, but have been riding the bench, intermittently, due to non compliance issues. Remains to be seen.

Chrissie: I know the hip is gonna go hard, but the ribs are the wild card, so don’t count them out.

Cryss: Those knees? Now, they’re veterans; they can stay in the patella pocket and cause swelling, or run and slide.
Gotta have double coverage (heat and ice) on the neck, clavicle, and shoulder. They are very talented. The neck can get off the edge, to the shoulder, with quickness like I’ve never seen. Clavicle is just soft. You look at him and he swells AND turns red. He doesn’t play the position with verve.

Chrissie: Indeed, but, the Kankles are pretty reliable. They definitely give different looks: bilateral pitted edema, golf ball look on the side, which really wreaks havoc on the interior cute shoe, and, of course, they shrink, when going to the doctor.

Cryss: We MUST factor in the king-sized heating pad, and the Aspercreme. They’ve added lidocaine to their defense, a veteran loner, out of WALMART State Pharmacy aisle.

Chrissie: The back up, Ultram (Tramadol) has been successful at getting to the nerves, and sacking them. But there’s still the issue of sleep.

This is going to be one heck of a nite! No commercials. Good luck and stay tuned.

Now, the national anthem:

Oh, dang, did you see
How my left knee collapsed,
And I fell to the ground,
Grabbing any thing in sight.

Saw some folks standing there.
They were laughing at me.
Not a one offered help!
Lucky I can’t reach that weave.

And they let me let lay there
With my hands in the air
Which proves I was right
That you folks ain’t worth…

I guess I’d better get up
Be-fo-ore I.I ge-et ro-obbed (high note-hold, do runs)
For li- it-tle I’ve GOT (really high note, then breath)
And I split someone’s
(dramatic pause)
WIGGGGGGGG!🎤🎼🎶

P.S. Can’t take a knee, as I have no meniscus, but love u Kaep.

Fibro Funnies ©2018

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The Dance and the Music

Most who know me well, are aware of my love affair with music. It’s always evolving, ever enchanting, and a great equalizer, amongst humans.

You grow, you live, you love, you lose, you grieve, you learn. As I’ve evolved, I’ve discovered a great shift in my top three priorities. A Paradigm shift, if you will. Abraham Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” has become more than a conceptual paperweight on the desk of my psyche.

God, my KING, is my NUMBER ONE priority, now, and forever.

I won’t lie to you, and say it was easy, because it wasn’t. Music has ALWAYS come to my rescue. When I’m sad, I can wallow in blues, or certain jazz numbers; Robert Johnson, The Allman Brothers, Buddy Guy, B.B. King, Miles Davis, Joe Sample. When I’ve had enough of my own whining, I go to Gospel, R&B, Rock, and even a bit of Heavy Metal; Richard Smallwood, Doug Miller, James Cleveland; Anita Baker, Jill Scott, India Arie, Roberta Flack, Barry White (yessss), Winger, Dio, Motley Crue, Journey, Foreigner, Heart. Feeling creative, a bit of Alternative Rock; Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Train, Creed. When I’m feeling like a hyperactive Jack Russell Terrier, I go to the “light and easy favorites, of yesterday and today”. CSN&Y, England Dan and John Ford Coley, James Taylor; Carole King; Fleetwood Mac. Ah, when I’m in my version of love, The Spinners, The SalSoul Generation, Dan Fogelberg, Sade, Adele, Staind, Phoebe Snow….ad infinitum.

Tonight, I was talking to God, whom I call “The Great Orchestrator”, about a few things. I believe He gave each of us an instrument, unlike any other (our gifts), and the perfect sheet music -THE WORD! When we are in sync with God, obedient, and have pure love for God AND one another, it’s the perfect “song”. Of course, we have written our OWN metaphorical music, over time, and can’t figure out why everything is in disharmony, but that’s another blog.

Anyway, I was telling God how incredibly complicated things have become for me, of late, and that I know it’s because I keep getting in His way, when He tries to lead and guide me. No, it’s not that I can do better, it’s plain ole fear. Fear, for me, leads to self -sabotage ( yeah, only me, right? ).

I have another love. It’s DANCE! I was a dancer and figure skater, up until my 20’s. I still secretly choreograph in my head, when I see certain movement, or colors, witness leaves blowing in the breeze, or hear a particular song. Dance is the physical manifestation of music, for me.

So, I’m sitting here talking to God about how I’m wrecking His perfect plan for me, and watching the Iran Contra Hearings on YouTube. (What?) Suddenly, another video appears, and it’s David Letterman and Oprah.I have ADHD, so you know I watched. Paul Schaefer and the Orchestra begin to play, “Dance With Me”, by Orleans. “Wow! I haven’t heard that song in a while. Love the harmonies”, Crystal says to Cryss. So, I/ she looked it up, and began to sing along.

“Dance with me. I want to be your partner, can’t you see? The music is just starting. Night is calling, and I am falling. Dance with me.”

How sweet. How simplistic and sweet.

“Let it lift you off the ground. Starry-eyed, and love is ALL around us. I can take you where you want to go…”

Then, it happened. The epiphany. GOD, you’ve done it AGAIN!

You said my daughter is in a “place”, and I need her free, so I can not only use her, but bless her. So, as He’s done many times before, He spoke to me through the MUSIC. He simplified the sheet music, so I could read, and play on my instrument.

“Dance with me, my child. I want to commune with you, can’t you see? Your real mission is just starting. Night is falling, when you usually pray, and I AM here, calling. Dance with me.

Let ME lift you off the ground, my daughter. You won’t sabotage these blessings, for they are for YOU, ONLY. Stick with me, no matter. I can take you where you want to go, moreover, where you should be.

He does. He did. He can. He will. That’s tonite’s dance, to the Music of The Great Orchestrator, and the reason for the change in hierarchy.

Vizionairee- 2017