Musical Musings 5/20/2016

Evening Musings: 

I’ve been staring out the window at night a lot, of late. The sky replete with her wondrous and vivid mysteries. Our clandestine meetings…. Playing coy with her shades, her colors,  muted, but breathtaking. Teasing. Beckoning. Speaking.  What will she tell me, tonight? 

The moon shouted my name across a cloud,  reaching me as a whisper,  saying things; haunting things; beautiful things. “What is music? “, I dared ask. It was the question on my mind. A star twinkled, and made a discernible sound- the voice of a small child’s glorious giggle, peeking around the seemingly vanished embers of the sun. 

“You tell me?” The voice searing lightly across  constellations had countered. I searched my cerebral Thesaurus. I needed intelligent, mystical verbiage for this conversation,  but nothing. “Come on! You’re smarter than this”, Crystal said to Cryss. I acquiesced, thinking, “maybe not”.  The thing I love, the thing I crave,  the thing that is…. I can’t find the words. The lexicon I’ve loved had failed me. 

A silent and melodic breeze played my vertical blinds like Brahms’ Lullaby. Lillith perched angrily by, a silenced Banshee, still stewing over the one she couldn’t get. The one covered in the Blood. 

It started in my chest.  A tickling,  as buzzing sensation. Working its way through every nerve,  every pore, every fiber; bone, cartilage,  sinew-  flowing like liquid joy.

You see, I was singing all along. We were singing a harmonious duet.  Ah, sky,  there’s your answer.  See you tomorrow night.

Vizionairee Jones-2016

Beautiful Anxiety

Beautiful anxiety

Courses thru my Spiritual veins

I anticipate the draw,  the vessel

That will capture that precious essence. 

That will release the life-blood of positive change. 

Into my here,  into my now. 

Spill gently,  over my lifetime,

That I may one day leave this place

Peacefully,  joyously,

EMPTY

 Vizionairee 
Copyright-Steal it and I’ll kill ya! 

5/13/2016

My Exquisite Pain

Daylight chased me, again

Caught me Juggling universes in my head,

So I put it upon the pillow to rest

It was sweet, and awful, and blameless, and contrary.

Red hot fire, and sun.

Candy coated relief, sweetness suckled.

What an illusion!

The chase continued, undeterred.

Goose down and feathered warmth

Provided no security from the psychic soldiers.

Planetary casualties, abound, and lying around, beseeched me.

Why won’t you fight for me?
The hairs on my neck singed,

I’d been caught, again. Hope for rain.

Who could have known

My universes were so vast, so quick to replicate?

Juggle, juggle, spin the plates.

Red hot fire, and sun.

I beckon you today, with whispered invitations that shout.

“How exquisite you are, my pain”.

I shall carry YOU for awhile

In all my beautiful agony, in all your effete arrogance .

I dance inside the raindrops, searing and cheering.

Daylight in my crosshairs.

Vizionairee

©2017

An Abusive Shadow

On fighting my shadow:

It wins. It always wins.

How is that possible? What does my shadow know of me, that it can strategize so well? How does it render me helpless with such ease?

The punches are brutal. Fast. Quick. Painful. Lingering. 

My shadow smiles knowingly; teasing, bullying, taunting….

Sometimes, I don’t even fight back.

Dream

​dream free, dream long, 12 minutes no law, move, glide, twist and turn, blow out the candles of restraint and live above the clouds, work the glimpse of heaven you get, come back full of music with notes unheard, smiling the smile of the knowing, but the humility of the just out of reach, oohhhh, feel the breeze of dreams…..

Vizionairee – 9/28/2010

I’m In Love

I don’t usually get super personal on FB, but…. I’m in love. It’s such a heady and beautiful feeling. I’ve been swept off of my feet. A gift from God, no doubt. Gosh, I’m blushing. 

Anyway….

We’ve known each other all our lives. Save for GOD, he’s actually, my first love. A part of my DNA, I suppose. Yet, I let him go. Not all at once, just a drifting of sorts, you know… until there’s nothing.

Life happens, you grow apart, you have different experiences, but you NEVER forget. You just can’t seem to forget. 

Those moments that creep up, when you least expect. You think of him, and hairs on the back of your neck stand out, because you’re taken by splendid surprise. Your knees are weak, and you close your eyes, just for a moment. Your senses transport you back to… back there, back then; at that time, in that space. You literally feel, hear, see, and smell EVERYTHING, just like it was. 

Then, you put it out of your mind. 

Maybe, when it rains, and you remember – droplets landing on your skin, creating perfect rhythms, to which you danced joyously- carelessly. You composed songs no one heard, but the two of you. Then you put it out of your mind. You have to, right?

Funny thing. When God has a plan for you, it WILL come to fruition. 

A visit, or two. Randomly ( no such thing) having to come in contact with one another, for this reason, or that. Chit chat that turns to talk, and then to conversation.  Quiet glances turn to meaningful stares. Feeling the past and present collide, and knowing a future was inevitable. Being grateful.

I am most fortunate to have been afforded the opportunity to be joined with my love, once again. I’m never letting go. Where we’ll go together? Well, I’ll leave that to God. For all we’ve done in the past, this is new, and scary, and glorious. 

We’re in this for the duration, and I’m happy, again. 

Music, I love you.

Random Musings For A Year’s End 2016😇

Whew, 2016! A year of wonder, discovery, pain (physical and emotional), ADULT EDUCATION (Third Eye WIDE OPEN),  brokenness, healing, release, and love. 

In about one hour, Lord’s Willing, I will make my way into the new year. I have learned so much. Some things I wanted to know, some I didn’t, but needed to know. Some relationships ended, some began, and are developing. 

I let go of SO much, and found a peace I’ve never known, and a joy I didn’t know existed. I learned that only GOD can give you that kind of peace, and only you can allow it to be disturbed. DON’T!

May 13, 2016 will ALWAYS be the day for which I am most grateful. It’s the day I got a real-time glimpse into the depths of God’s love for me. Oh, what a…. Humbling, Awesome Revelation.  Pure AWE. I learned that day, and know now, that if I were the most intelligent, smart, learned human being in the history of humans, I’d STILL not be able to comprehend the scope of God’s Love. That’s a wonder, to me. I thank Him for saving my life, that day. For reminding me that there is always HOPE.

HE’S placed such amazing people around me. Holding me up, when I didn’t know I was falling. He’s healed me in ways I CANNOT explain.

He’s unburdened me, so that I could remember what truly makes me happy. I’ve discovered new things, too.

        Writing. Music. Helping people reach their goals and see their dreams come to fruition. Connecting people that can bless each other, and it have a positive ripple effect. Laughing, really laughing. Friends. Family. Wow. Yeah. 

    God made me look into the mirror and admit things about myself. I had to become transparent before God and THAT WAS NOT EASY, OR CUTE. It was, however, necessary. I’ve learned that hypocrisy, whether intended, or not, is still hypocrisy.

      I’ve humbly, and sincerely issued a lot of apologies, this year. I have many to go. I’ve also CEASED apologizing for some things. A LOT of things. I am accountable y to God ONLY. No, that does not mean I get to act a fool, treat others poorly, or behave like I have no ” home training” (lol), etc. It does, however, mean I do not have to explain myself, constantly defend myself, and hope that everyone is comfortable with who I am. I desire that when you see me, you see God and KNOW what He can do. My character and integrity are incredibly important to me. My loyalty never wavers. Not mine to give, you EARN IT, and it’s yours to lose.

I’ve learned to take ALL things to God. I’ve learned the Awesome power of His Word, and how great it is to develop an intimate relationship with Him. I’ve been blessed by several Ministries. I’ve been blessed to have quiet time with my Father. To be still and let Him speak to me, teach me, and love on me. He doesn’t have to allow it, but He loves me, and wants time with me. Wow!

My analogy for this year’s lesson is not unlike a football game. We, the players, are out on the field, getting our butts kicked. We run to the sidelines, befuddled, asking one another, “what happened?” Well,  No one looked at the playbooks. No one studied. No one came to practice. No one worked out. No one watched game film. No one prepared for the game. No one worked WITH one another. No one made sacrifices. No one asked the one in charge. The Coach. 

God has given us EVERYTHING WE NEED, and Sooooo many of the desires of our hearts; yet we still look elsewhere, take things for granted……

Maybe I shouldn’t say “we”. Those are my observations. I’m tired of tightrope walking, without as net.

Now, enough about me. My beautiful, diverse, wonderful BCC/FBF family never ceases to amaze me. We’ve been through so much this year. It’s been pretty rough; for some it seems more than others. Even still, here we are. I’ve witnessed an outpouring of pure, selfless love; some of the funniest stuff ever (y’all gonna pay for my inhaler); proof that intercessory prayer and thoughts really make a difference; third-eye-opened education; a bond that seems to grow tighter. I am so very grateful for each of you. 

It is my prayer that in the year to come, that we continue to do what we do. Love, support, encourage, inspire, check one another (with love),  check ON one another, and keep each other smiling and laughing. May God bless each of you, and your families fully, across ALL life domains. Don’t chase your dreams, live in them. Love u all, no strings.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, Prettyface-Mommiekins, and Fred. I’m on it. No worries.