Fibro Funnies: Episode 1

Good evening, sports fans, and welcome to the Tuesday Night Body Competition. I’m your Host, Cryss. Joining me is my every faithful personality, fifteen year veteran, and Fibromyalgia expert, Chrissie.

Cryss: Good evening, Chrissie. What an exciting evening.

Cryss: Chrissie, you said a Dionne Warwick set of teeth mouthful ( what?). Just about everyone who’s ANYONE is here and they’ve come to play.

Chrissie: Oh, yeah. This has been brewing since Crystal made an unscheduled grocery store run, and didn’t use a scooter (Gasp!).

Cryss: Ruh-roh. In a post grocery interview, I asked if it was a wise decision. Crystal said, emphatically, that she WOULD NOT cower to Fibromyalgia.

Chrissie: Gutsy move, but let’s get to the action.

Tonite, The C.J. Body Parts are taking on the Aspercreme Heating Pads, to see who can hurt, swell, or become detached from its usual place, with the most ferocity vs. I can take it, I’m God’s child, with a prescription.

Cryss: Do you think the backup meds will be a factor, tonite? They’ve been successful before, but have been riding the bench, intermittently, due to non compliance issues. Remains to be seen.

Chrissie: I know the hip is gonna go hard, but the ribs are the wild card, so don’t count them out.

Cryss: Those knees? Now, they’re veterans; they can stay in the patella pocket and cause swelling, or run and slide.
Gotta have double coverage (heat and ice) on the neck, clavicle, and shoulder. They are very talented. The neck can get off the edge, to the shoulder, with quickness like I’ve never seen. Clavicle is just soft. You look at him and he swells AND turns red. He doesn’t play the position with verve.

Chrissie: Indeed, but, the Kankles are pretty reliable. They definitely give different looks: bilateral pitted edema, golf ball look on the side, which really wreaks havoc on the interior cute shoe, and, of course, they shrink, when going to the doctor.

Cryss: We MUST factor in the king-sized heating pad, and the Aspercreme. They’ve added lidocaine to their defense, a veteran loner, out of WALMART State Pharmacy aisle.

Chrissie: The back up, Ultram (Tramadol) has been successful at getting to the nerves, and sacking them. But there’s still the issue of sleep.

This is going to be one heck of a nite! No commercials. Good luck and stay tuned.

Now, the national anthem:

Oh, dang, did you see
How my left knee collapsed,
And I fell to the ground,
Grabbing any thing in sight.

Saw some folks standing there.
They were laughing at me.
Not a one offered help!
Lucky I can’t reach that weave.

And they let me let lay there
With my hands in the air
Which proves I was right
That you folks ain’t worth…

I guess I’d better get up
Be-fo-ore I.I ge-et ro-obbed (high note-hold, do runs)
For li- it-tle I’ve GOT (really high note, then breath)
And I split someone’s
(dramatic pause)
WIGGGGGGGG!🎤🎼🎶

P.S. Can’t take a knee, as I have no meniscus, but love u Kaep.

Fibro Funnies ©2018

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Why I Want to Meet Dave Chappelle

Why I want one hour with Dave Chappelle.
I often quote my second fave Philosopher, Heraclitus (Immanuel Kant #1), as having said, “All is flux. You cannot step into the same river twice.”
Turns out, not only I, but Plato misquoted this pre-Socratic Ephesian. His actual quote?
“In the same river we both step and do not step, we are and are not”.
Interpretation:
“…the world is in a constant state of change and, while one may step from the banks into the body of a river one has always known, the waters flowing over one’s feet will never be the same waters that flowed even a moment before.”

I am, indeed, evolving.

What does that have to do with Dave Chappelle? He’s become my favorite contemporary Philosopher, disguised as a Comedian. Many are; but Dave, his mask IS his masterpiece, because there’s really NO MASK (Cryss-ism). Geez I’m lucid this time of night😲. Anyhoo,

See his Netflix special
“Equanimity”
Not to be confused with the two released late last year. You’ll see what I mean, especially in the end.

#OneHourMrChappelle

How Do I Survive?

I am baffled. I acknowledge not being a Rhodes Scholar, but I attended Baltimore City College (third oldest high school in the nation, international renowned). Nonetheless, I’m confused as to how this “President”, and cabinet (might as well be kitchen cabinets) are LITERALLY breaking long established laws, with NO consequences.

One of the first things I remember learning about government, is that Congress exists for the purpose of “checks and balances”. They have refused to do their job, since Obama was President, and that went unchecked.

Perhaps someone can enlighten me. Granted, in any class I’ve ever had at 10 a.m, I was CERTAIN to be asleep (don’t judge me, I’m nocturnal), but I MUST have learned enough to know the function of the three branches of government. Heck, even SchoolHouse Rock taught us that much. These acts, or lack thereof, perpetrated by the last two administrations, Congress refusing EVERYTHING President Obama sent before them, looking the other way, as “Voldermort” sells our country to the scariest bidder, appear to be not only immoral, just plain stupid, and let’s not forget EXTREMELY DANGEROUS, but ILLEGAL. This goes back to “tricky” Dick Chaney, his bestie, Donald “Rummy” Rumsfeld, George W. Bush, and 9/11, and the “WMD’s”/ Iraq War; maybe even further.

Sidebar (but not really):Dick Chaney shot a man, during a hunting trip. The man apologized to him. For what? Being so shootable? What were you hunting, Mr. Chaney? What did he say/know?

How is this happening with NO repercussions? No Framers coming back, like Jacob Marley, and haunting the CRAP out of these folks. I’d say, I got Carpal Tunnel Syndrome writing the Constitution and Declaration of Independence, (not to mention having to dip my pen in ink every five seconds) and this is what you do?

Seriously, help me understand. My brilliant folks, far and near. Please don’t just read, talk to me. I need to understand how this COUP, ahem, blatant travesty is being allowed, and no one saw it coming, or is trying to stop it. Could we stop it?

Police shooting/ killing/ assaulting African – African men, women, ave children, in public view, on video, and receiving no more than a paid vacation? Their reason being, “I feared for my life. ”

What of the Police Officers who are actually trying to keep our neighborhoods and communities safe, who are kind and empathetic, who are well – trained in de-escalation, and crisis management, but STILL want to be able to go home to their families? They now HAVE to fear for their lives, because of their colleagues who devalue the lives of certain minority groups, and make assumptions, and react, with fatal results. Criminals who are better armed than Law Enforcement, and no one knows how the weapons are getting to our minority neighborhoods. Kinda like the drugs, huh?

Of course, after this blog, I may (unlike you know who) be kicked off of social media/ internet.

Signed,

Educated, but Baffled

Help Me To Understand

I am baffled. I acknowledge not being a Rhodes Scholar, but I attended Baltimore City College (third oldest high school in the nation, international renowned). Nonetheless, I’m confused as to how this “President”, and cabinet (might as well be kitchen cabinets) are LITERALLY breaking long established laws, with NO consequences.

One of the first things I remember learning about government, is that Congress exists for the purpose of “checks and balances”. They have refused to do their job, since Obama was President, and that went unchecked.

Perhaps someone can enlighten me. Granted, in any class I’ve ever had at 10 a.m, I was CERTAIN to be asleep (don’t judge me, I’m nocturnal), but I MUST have learned enough to know the function of the three branches of government. Heck, even SchoolHouse Rock taught us that much. These acts, or lack thereof, perpetrated by the last two administrations, Congress refusing EVERYTHING President Obama sent before them, looking the other way, as “Voldermort” sells our country to the scariest bidder, appear to be not only immoral, just plain stupid, and let’s not forget EXTREMELY DANGEROUS, but ILLEGAL. This goes back to “tricky” Dick Chaney, his bestie, Donald “Rummy” Rumsfeld, George W. Bush, and 9/11, and the “WMD’s”/ Iraq War; maybe even further.

Sidebar (but not really):Dick Chaney shot a man, during a hunting trip. The man apologized to him. For what? Being so shootable? What were you hunting, Mr. Chaney? What did he say/know?

How is this happening with NO repercussions? No Framers coming back, like Jacob Marley, and haunting the CRAP out of these folks. I’d say, I got Carpal Tunnel Syndrome writing the Constitution and Declaration of Independence, (not to mention having to dip my pen in ink every five seconds) and this is what you do?

Seriously, help me understand. My brilliant folks, far and near. Please don’t just read, talk to me. I need to understand how this COUP, ahem, blatant travesty is being allowed, and no one saw it coming, or is trying to stop it. Could we stop it?

Police shooting/ killing/ assaulting African – African men, women, ave children, in public view, on video, and receiving no more than a paid vacation? Their reason being, “I feared for my life. ”

What of the Police Officers who are actually trying to keep our neighborhoods and communities safe, who are kind and empathetic, who are well – trained in de-escalation, and crisis management, but STILL want to be able to go home to their families? They now HAVE to fear for their lives, because of their colleagues who devalue the lives of certain minority groups, and make assumptions, and react, with fatal results. Criminals who are better armed than Law Enforcement, and no one knows how the weapons are getting to our minority neighborhoods. Kinda like the drugs, huh?

Of course, after this blog, I may (unlike you know who) be kicked off of social media/ internet.

Signed,

Educated, but Baffled

Peace

“As wind carries our prayers for earth and all life,

may respect and love light our way.

May our hearts be filled with compassion

for others and for ourselves.

May peace increase on Earth.

May it begin with me…”

~ Tibetan prayer

Farewell, Obama 

​So, it’s taken me months to figure what I should say, concerning the end of the Obama Presidency. Nothing in my head. Go figure, a Writer with no words. So, I went to my lover- MUSIC. 

“CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON

THERE’LL BE PEACE, WHEN YOU ARE DONE

LAY YOUR WEARY HEAD TO REST

DON’T-CHA CRY NO MORE…..”
CARRY ON, YOU WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER, CARRY ON

NOTHING EQUALS THIS MADNESS

NOW, YOUR LIFE’S NO LONGER EMPTY

SURELY HEAVEN WAITS FOR YOU…”

Thank you, Barack Hussein Obama, and family. I remember openly weeping, on the day of your inauguration, and having someone ask me why. Why? Because I saw Jessie Jackson weeping, and knew he was remembering standing two/three feet away, as a bullet ripped through the face and head of Dr. King. I wept because I NEVER thought I’d see it, in my lifetime.  Because, Michelle Obama is not just your wife, mother of your children, and awesome FLOTUS, but A LADY. Our girls need to see those examples. Because of Dr. King, John Lewis, Rev. Ralph Abernathy, Andrew Young, Jessie Jackson, Freedom Fighters, Abolitionists, Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglass, Thurgood Marshall…. Because of each and every person, who’s name never made the paper, or the news, or the history books. Because we may never see the likes again. 

Because my Mommiekins lived to see it. A Woman who used to have to enter establishments through back doors, if she were allowed in, at all.

I’ve always understood citizenship, intellectually. I’ve cried because of things said, and done to me, because of the color of my skin. Sometimes, it was so subtle, I wasn’t even aware. 

Make no mistake, I’m scrappy, like my Mommiekins. Injustice does not sit well with me, AT ALL. A pen and some paper in my hands….

Back then, my Mommiekins went TO the fight. She began the dialogue. She knew every local government phone number that began with 396 (lol). Mostly alone, she called wrote and didn’t let up until she’d affected change. I often stayed at home wondering why she would risk her health like that. She made me go with her many times, ignoring my ire. Freezing cold, at Annapolis. Downtown, Uptown. Talking to Councilmen and Women. Still didn’t GET IT. She said we elected them, now they have to do their jobs.

I GET IT, MOMMIEKINS. Thank you. It is now, in my heart, and will always manifest itself in my actions. 

That’s why I cried then, that’s why I cry now.

Barack Obama, Carry on, Sir.

“Carry On Wayward Son” – Kansas

Peace

​”As wind carries our prayers for earth and all life,

may respect and love light our way.

May our hearts be filled with compassion

for others and for ourselves.

May peace increase on Earth.

May it begin with me…”

~ Tibetan prayer