In my quest to be a better steward over the time that God has seen fit to give me, I cut back on my television time. I wanted to devote more time to reading His Word, communing in that space with Him, hearing from Him.
Even in doing so, I began to feel distracted, unfocused, disconnected, and lost. I was reading, praying, meditating, but not connecting. So restless, and of a useless, frenetic energy. Unproductive. It was driving me bonkers. I found myself wandering through my days, going through the motions, numb. What had I done to unplug myself from God, as He never, ever let’s go of us (see Romans 8:38-39).
I’ve been in pugilist mode with nearly every company from whom I receive tech services. Cell phones burning, apps disappearing, and internet/double billing woes, abound. I’ve literally clocked the equivalent of approximately two months worth of hours on the phone, live chats, and in-person problem-solving adventures. No More! I divorced my cable company, and got my cellular folks straight (sorta-stay-tuned), with the help of the FCC, in both cases. Check. You can only poke this Scorpio bear but so much, before she comes out of hibernation, SWINGING😡.
Well, in every battle, there are casualties. Mine? No Wi-Fi, no phone line, no TV, no problem. I’ll simply change carriers. I will NOT be held hostage. Well, here’s the thing: only two carriers that provide the desired services, in my area (what kind of tech dead zone am I in?); the one I divorced, and the one I left, to go to the one I just divorced. Check and Mate, right? Undaunted, albeit a bit dented, I said, “OK, I needed more time with GOD anyway, I’ve much to do, and my cell has a mobile hotspot, right?” I was also introduced to ROKU, so, when I wanna look at TV, I will. Well, 4GLTE is not Wi-Fi. It reverts to 3G, when utilizing other devices, or third party apps. Been buffering so much, a 30 minute Boxing match took almost an hour. I was ready to throw in the towel, and stop the fight. So, I let it just fade to the screensaver, which is an analog clock, that counts hours, minutes, seconds.
After a few days, it really started messing with my mind, this clock. I felt like I was literally watching a countdown of my life… tick-tock. tick-tock. Lord, what am I to do? I’m feeling lost and unfocused. Time is just ticking away, and I’m being wasteful.I did nothing.
Yesterday, was both physically, and Spiritually rough. I was, and always am, GRATEFUL for all that I am, all that I have, and surely God’s love, grace, and mercy. Fibromyalgia showed out, since it was raining, and I had new body parts deciding to get in on the fun. Gave in to that, too, for a minute (nice try). My Spirit was just… low. Even still, I went about my day, talking to God along the way; asking this thing or that, certainly giving due praise, reading the Word (Psalms 119), etc.
As evening drew nigh, I heard the rain. I knew it had been raining all day, as I’d been out in it. Usually, when I’m out in the rain, I turn my face toward the sky, and let it fall on me. Not today. But now, I HEARD it. It tapped out melodies the windows, the cars and streets provided harmonies, the tin drainpipe beat out a bass rhythm- all of it calling me. I turned off all the lights, cut out every sound, opened the window and answered. PURE PEACE! I reveled in it, for a time, but was inevitably drawn back to “things”. Later, I went to be bed praying that God would allow me to feel Him, again, to reconnect. To re-engage with the Spirit of my ordained purpose.
That doggone clock screensaver was still there, when I woke up. Fell asleep wth the TV on.
Today, I began my morning prayers. Gratitude, Thanksgiving, Praise. Lord, please meet me in Your Word, this morning. Give me purpose, and set me to action, making manifest the gifts you’ve bestowed upon me. All glory and honor to You. The Word for the day, in my Bible app was Psalms 42:11.
Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.
Hmmmm… OK, I’ll just read the whole thing, while that incessant clock is in front of me. Yes, I could have turned off the television, but it’s like I WANTED to be angry about it. This particular chapter is very short, only eleven verses. Boy, did it pack a LOT in, for me.
As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, Where is thy God? When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me: for I had gone with the multitude, I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday. Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance. O my God, my soul is cast down within me: therefore will I remember thee from the land of Jordan, and of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar. Deep calleth unto deep at the noise of thy waterspouts: all thy waves and thy billows are gone over me. Yet the Lord will command his lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life. I will say unto God my rock, Why hast thou forgotten me? why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy? As with a sword in my bones, mine enemies reproach me; while they say daily unto me, Where is thy God? Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.
I looked up at the clock, and saw something new. Time wasn’t mocking me, it was calling me to the action attached to my purpose. It was saying that the loving, kind, and merciful God I serve, has given you 24 hours to do that which He has called you to do. You know what it is, as He grows it in you daily. It said that even in rain, He gave you peace; it said even as you slept, He heard You, just as He did in your waking hours; it said you see the clock today, because He gave you MORE TIME. It said even when we are uncertain about what comes next, that He’s there to lead and guide you, giving you more time. You’re still here for a reason, as evidenced by that nagging clock, at which you stare. So, stop wasting the gift of time, get about my business. Heck, you’ve got time.
Psalms 42:1-11 KJV
Psalms 42:11 KJV