Remembrances 

Writing feels so good.  Been ages since I’ve written a poem, a song,  anything AD CAUSA. I feel both renewed and infantile -regaining some things, exploring uncharted territory . Letting go of some things that I’ve gripped so tightly,  for so long,  my metaphorical fingers have been crushed, bones decimated.

Learning to grab hold to new things with new hands.  Allowing my third eye to truly see, as it should,  sans fear of what it sees.

Guillaume Apollonaire wrote,  “Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.”

   Indeed they did – so shall I.
I would be remiss if I retired this evening without thanking my Lord, my Savior,  my Redeemer, my Mighty Fortress; Jesus, The Christ. I am so very blessed. God grants me favor, and consistently DEMONSTRATES HIS unconditional love; even when I’m compellingly, overtly unworthy. He is the Great Orchestrator,  and I am humbled to be one of the many instruments He uses to create the music that is the human experience. 

We are each our own instruments, and our parts have been composed, created, and imagined, just for us. We play with different styles, as we’ve been taught/learned in different ways.  However, there can be no complete song,  no masterpiece,  no melodies,  no harmonies, no triumphant finale…… if we don’t realize were even playing the same song-the song of pure love,  one,  for another. 

Vizionairee 2016

My Exquisite Pain

Daylight chased me, again

Caught me Juggling universes in my head,

So I put it upon the pillow to rest

It was sweet, and awful, and blameless, and contrary.

Red hot fire, and sun.

Candy coated relief, sweetness suckled.

What an illusion!

The chase continued, undeterred.

Goose down and feathered warmth

Provided no security from the psychic soldiers.

Planetary casualties, abound, and lying around, beseeched me.

Why won’t you fight for me?
The hairs on my neck singed,

I’d been caught, again. Hope for rain.

Who could have known

My universes were so vast, so quick to replicate?

Juggle, juggle, spin the plates.

Red hot fire, and sun.

I beckon you today, with whispered invitations that shout.

“How exquisite you are, my pain”.

I shall carry YOU for awhile

In all my beautiful agony, in all your effete arrogance .

I dance inside the raindrops, searing and cheering.

Daylight in my crosshairs.

Vizionairee

©2017

TheWriteContest.com 2017 Winner: Horror Genre

                

                                                    PEELERS 

       BY JULIET STAVELEY

 

She sat against the laundry basket in the bathroom, holding a piece of birthday cake. It was a good room, she thought – no windows, a sturdy lock on the door… the old-fashioned bolt kind. Nothing in, nothing out.

She tried to block out the unnerving gurgling sounds coming from the garden by focusing on her hands. Apart from the trembling, they felt normal. Maybe she’d got away with it? Maybe that was the gift from mama and papa: Her deformed DNA wrapped in shiny paper.

Her mind could not, or rather did not want to process the events of the last few days. Just days; that’s how quickly it had gone from Tatiana Orlova’s history lecture on Tuesday afternoon to, to this. She smiled faintly, remembering half-hearted notes about the Revolution and flirting with Leo; everything so beautifully bland and steady. And then the scream. A scream so loud it bounced off the corridor walls. They all ran out to see Erik Belinsky, recognisable only by his Gorillaz satchel, trying to… she forced the image away, down the plughole of the cracked sink. Keep it simple: cake, hands, patience. She would know soon for sure.

According to the newsfeed on her phone, special forces were continuing the shoot-on-sight policy; it was more humane than watching the ‘slow peel’. Yet the savage shadow had grown, stretching its merciless edges across the globe. Their own Ministry still didn’t have a clue. A nation of brilliant scientists, and all the remaining boffins could do was fumble about with petri dishes, failed antidotes and desperate measures. She had a theory though. And every way she looked at it, it made sense. She just needed to test it and social media the hell out of it.

But first, a better memory floated in. Her first time in hospital, fussed over, feeling special, bloodworks confirmed, epinephrine delivered, along with a Sony PSP from babushka. It was a good trade: a few minutes of swelling and deep panic for a lifetime of the Sims. Her reaction had been so severe that mama had obliterated the apartment before she came home, removed all possible suspects, scared that even one pernicious particle would set it off again. The cutting irony of that was not missed on her now.

Things settled down afterwards. Normal for the rest of the family at least, much to her brother Pavel’s delight. Mama had made two versions of everything, every day, even the birthday cake. Why had she never thanked her properly for that? For all those hours of love proved in the kitchen? Her shoulders slumped in a mix of self-disgust and sadness.

With nothing else left, she took a big bite of her cake. Strictly speaking, it was not her cake, it was the other one. Chocolate oozed around her tongue; wicked satin richness. She realised just how much she had missed the moistness of the real thing – her alternatives were similar to chewing on an old rug. She closed her eyes and savoured the dark and the dark.

The gurgling outside was replaced by a howl, far too soprano, like a wolf caught in a snare trap. Not long now until the sinew stage. Oh God. Tears splashed down onto the willow green tiles between toes and crumbs. She prayed it would be quick for Pavel. Prayed he would find papa’s rifle in the shed and still have the strength to use it. Or a chain saw, hammer, even a large rock.

The tears kept coming – vast waves of shock and grief crashing around her, filling in the gaps in the grouting, trickling down the shower walls. She cried for her family, for the two, soon to be four victims in her home, for the fact she hadn’t had sex with Leo, or with anyone, for all the things she would never do or be, for all the people she would never see again, for the twisted piles of glutinous, pulsing waste that used to be friends and strangers. She felt sick but she knew she had to finish. One bite at a time, between irregular, sobbing breaths.

The itching came quicker than she expected. Perhaps her disease speeded things up. She hoped that was the case. Deep down itching. Hot, red, impossibly tempting. It felt so good to scratch until the skin split. She knew she didn’t have long before the pain arrived, pain so intense she would rip at her eyes, pull the muscles off her face, peel her entire body with blunted nails to make it stop. She forced her now-bloody fingers to tap on the Twitter icon and typed quickly as her mind began to smudge. She was halfway through a Facebook post when the spasms hit.

In a different room, in a different country, a keyword alert gave a chirpy beep and flashed on screen. Another one had worked it out then. Not many but still, no point leaving it there in case there was ever any comeback. One of the chosen accessed the mainframe and brought the Tweet up, deleting it as he read:

THE EVIL IS IN THE GRAIN


©2017

Author Juliet Staveley has enjoyed a career as a print Journalist, in various magazines and newspapers. She has also conducted several Workshops for potential, and new Authors.

Stay-tuned for more from this exciting Author! Like, comment and share!

An Abusive Shadow

On fighting my shadow:

It wins. It always wins.

How is that possible? What does my shadow know of me, that it can strategize so well? How does it render me helpless with such ease?

The punches are brutal. Fast. Quick. Painful. Lingering. 

My shadow smiles knowingly; teasing, bullying, taunting….

Sometimes, I don’t even fight back.

A Great Gift, and The Delayed Opening: No Wrapping Required

Over a decade ago (2000-2002?), my Cousin and I were talking about his commitment to God, his new Church, and his new found love for Christ. I admitted to him that, while I attended Church frequently, prayed, tithed, etc., I never really read the Word. He suggested that I get a Life Application Bible (Tyndale). He said it really have an excellent explanation of the Word.

Maybe as much as a two years later, I was out with my Mommiekins, riding aimlessly, as we did on occasion.  We came upon a local Christian store called Lifeway.   I said, “let’s pop in and take a look”, as it had been some years for me, since I’d been. As we browsed, I recalled my conversation with my Cousin, and went looking for The Bible he suggested. Not only did I get one, but I got one for Mommiekins, too. Mine in black, hers in burgundy.

I guess you’re thinking I went home and read, and was so enlightened, my world changed, etc. Nope. I did not begin actively reading the Word until 2016. It started with the You Version Bible App on my phone. I installed it, and began to get daily verses. I started posting the ones I enjoyed most to my Facebook page. As much as I comprehended the verses, I needed to read the entire Scripture, in order to ascertain the context of the message. The more I read, the more I enjoyed, but there still existed a disconnect- How does this apply to my daily life? That’s when I remembered the Life Application Bible.

Each verse, with its explanation began to come alive for me. I could reconcile the ancient text with my everyday life. WOW! Now, I crave it. Sometimes, eerily, I feel like I’m reading a current news story, as a great many things are still the same. There are wars, and rumors of wars, false prophets, terrorism, racism, people turning away from God, and attempting to justify it with His Word….. Mommiekins was right; “there’s nothing new under the sun”. 

God’s Word is also the written manifestation of promises that will never be broken; promises of salvation, of wisdom, of peace, of joy. It’s teeming with examples of His protection, His teachings, the forgiveness of sin, through Jesus, the Christ, and of His unwavering love for each us. Each and every word, verse, chapter, and book of The Bible is the heart and soul of God. The Word is our life’s blueprint, and our battle plan for defeating the enemy. It’s the place with which He wishes to commune with us. How can we live without it? How did I, but for His Grace and Mercy?

I thank God for using my Cousin to lead me to His Word. Thank you, Cousin Glenn, for being obedient to the Holy Spirit, and mentioning the Life Application Bible, all those years ago.

I guess you’re thinking, ” well it took long enough for you to get it!,” Normally, I’d agree, except God’s timing is always perfect. Every good and perfect gift comes from God, no wrapping needed.

Vizionairee ©2017

The “24-hour” Perspective, and The Clock

SUPERNATURAL

In my quest to be a better steward over the time that God has seen fit to give me, I cut back on my television time. I wanted to devote more time to reading His Word, communing in that space with Him, hearing from Him.

Even in doing so, I began to feel distracted, unfocused, disconnected, and lost. I was reading, praying, meditating, but not connecting. So restless, and of a useless, frenetic energy. Unproductive. It was driving me bonkers. I found myself wandering through my days, going through the motions, numb. What had I done to unplug myself from God, as He never, ever let’s go of us (see Romans 8:38-39).

NATURAL

I’ve been in pugilist mode with nearly every company from whom I receive tech services. Cell phones burning, apps disappearing, and internet/double billing woes, abound. I’ve literally clocked the equivalent of approximately two months worth of hours on the phone, live chats, and in-person problem-solving adventures. No More! I divorced my cable company, and got my cellular folks straight (sorta-stay-tuned), with the help of the FCC, in both cases. Check. You can only poke this Scorpio bear but so much, before she comes out of hibernation, SWINGING😡.

Well, in every battle, there are casualties. Mine? No Wi-Fi, no phone line, no TV, no problem.  I’ll simply change carriers. I will NOT be held hostage. Well, here’s the thing: only two carriers that provide the desired services, in my area (what kind of tech dead zone am I in?); the one I divorced, and the one I left, to go to the one I just divorced. Check and Mate, right? Undaunted, albeit a bit dented, I said, “OK, I needed more time with GOD anyway, I’ve much to do, and my cell has a mobile hotspot, right?”  I was also introduced to ROKU, so, when I wanna look at TV, I will. Well, 4GLTE is not Wi-Fi. It reverts to 3G, when utilizing other devices, or third party apps. Been buffering so much, a 30 minute Boxing match took almost an hour. I was ready to throw in the towel, and stop the fight. So, I let it just fade to the screensaver, which is an analog clock, that counts hours, minutes, seconds.

After a few days, it really started messing with my mind, this clock. I felt like I was literally watching a countdown of my life… tick-tock. tick-tock. Lord, what am I to do? I’m feeling lost and unfocused. Time is just ticking away, and I’m being wasteful.I did nothing.

SUPERNATURAL

Yesterday, was both physically, and Spiritually rough. I was, and always am, GRATEFUL for all that I am, all that I have, and surely God’s love, grace, and mercy. Fibromyalgia showed out, since it was raining, and I had new body parts deciding to get in on the fun. Gave in to that, too, for a minute (nice try). My Spirit was just… low. Even still, I went about my day, talking to God along the way; asking this thing or that, certainly giving due praise, reading the Word (Psalms 119), etc. 

As evening drew nigh, I heard the rain. I knew it had been raining all day, as I’d been out in it. Usually, when I’m out in the rain, I turn my face toward the sky, and let it fall on me. Not today. But now, I HEARD it. It tapped out melodies the windows, the cars and streets provided harmonies, the tin drainpipe beat out a bass rhythm- all of it calling me. I turned off all the lights, cut out every sound, opened the window and answered. PURE PEACE! I reveled in it, for a time, but was inevitably drawn back to “things”. Later, I went to be bed praying that God would allow me to feel Him, again, to reconnect. To re-engage with the Spirit of my ordained purpose.

NATURAL

That doggone clock screensaver was still there, when I woke up. Fell asleep wth the TV on.

SUPERNATURAL

Today, I began my morning prayers. Gratitude, Thanksgiving, Praise. Lord, please meet me in Your Word, this morning. Give me purpose, and set me to action, making manifest the gifts you’ve bestowed upon me. All glory and honor to You. The Word for the day, in my Bible app was Psalms 42:11.

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

Hmmmm… OK, I’ll just read the whole thing, while that incessant clock is in front of me. Yes, I could have turned off the television, but it’s like I WANTED to be angry about it. This particular chapter is very short, only eleven verses. Boy, did it pack a LOT in, for me. 

As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God.  My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God?  My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, Where is thy God?  When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me: for I had gone with the multitude, I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday.  Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.  O my God, my soul is cast down within me: therefore will I remember thee from the land of Jordan, and of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar.  Deep calleth unto deep at the noise of thy waterspouts: all thy waves and thy billows are gone over me.  Yet the Lord will command his lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life.  I will say unto God my rock, Why hast thou forgotten me? why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy? As with a sword in my bones, mine enemies reproach me; while they say daily unto me, Where is thy God?  Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

Wow!!!!

I looked up at the clock, and saw something new. Time wasn’t mocking me, it was calling me to the action attached to my purpose. It was saying that the loving, kind, and merciful God I serve, has given you 24 hours to do that which He has called you to do. You know what it is, as He grows it in you daily. It said that even in rain, He gave you peace; it said even as you slept, He heard You, just as He did in your waking hours; it said you see the clock today, because He gave you MORE TIME. It said even when we are uncertain about what comes next, that He’s there to lead and guide you, giving you more time. You’re still here for a reason, as evidenced by that nagging clock, at which you stare. So, stop wasting the gift of time, get about my business. Heck, you’ve got time.  

24.

Psalms 42:1‭-‬11 KJV

http://bible.com/1/psa.42.1-11.KJV

Psalms 42:11 KJV

http://bible.com/1/psa.42.11.KJV